Overcoming

Jesus was no stranger to abuse leading up to His crucifixtion - He was spit at, blindfolded, struck with fists, beaten, scourged, and nailed to a wooden cross. I don’t think any of us can imagine the physical and emotional pain He felt. He was innocent and suffered on our behalf.

The word “abuse” is an ugly word. And most victims of abuse are innocent. I suffered abuse by an ex-husband. He was verbally abusive and right before I left him, he was physically abusive. Verbal/emotional abuse is where someone uses words or behaviors to manipulate, intimidate, and maintain power and control over someone. These include insults, humiliation and ridicule, and attempts to scare, isolate, and control. I experienced all of those.  

I had low self-esteem when I married my ex-husband, and I think low self-esteem causes some of us to make bad choices in relationships. He was an alcoholic, but I thought I could “change” him. We were married 5-1/2 years and had a daughter together. In the beginning, things weren’t that bad, but as time went on, his drinking increased and the verbal abuse increased. I stayed in the marriage because of our daughter. His abuse finally escalated into physical abuse, and that’s when I knew that I had to get out. I left him that very night, and my daughter was not quite 3 years old. I had nowhere to live and we left with only the clothes on our backs. We were able to stay with my sister and her husband for 3 weeks until I was able to rent an apartment.

I know without a doubt that God was protecting my daughter and me. I sought spiritual counseling with a pastor, and my daughter and I started regularly attending Wesley Chapel. All I ever wanted was a family, so deciding to divorce was very hard for me. I felt like I was committing a sin by divorcing, but the pastor told me that God would not expect me to stay in an abusive relationship to the detriment of my daughter and myself. Looking back, I know I made the right decision, and I wouldn’t be where I am today in my faith journey if I hadn’t gone through these hard times.

The abuse did not break me, and I always knew deep inside that I didn’t deserve to be treated this way. but it did leave invisible scars. As a result of the verbal abuse, I have always been very aware of people’s feelings and have never intentionally said anything that would be demeaning or hurtful to anyone. I am very sensitive, and there are times when my feelings get hurt if someone is unkind to me. I just have to remind myself that God sees my worth as His child, and in order to be Christlike, I’ve got to forgive those who have hurt me and move on.

It was a slow process for me to be able to forgive my ex-husband, but I was able to finally do it, with God’s help, and we had a civil relationship until his death in 2002 (he was 49 years old).

As I’ve gotten older (and hopefully wiser), I’m quick to forgive. I thank God for His protection, for turning my pain into joy, and for never leaving me nor forsaking me. My trials, then and now, have always drawn me closer to God, and I’m so grateful that He took my brokenness and made something beautiful of my life. My daughter is now 41 years old and has her own family, and God blessed me with a godly husband 20 years ago. God delivered me from this abuse, and He made my pain and suffering serve His purpose. I give all glory, honor, and praise to God!