Becoming a Mom

From morning snuggles, the giggles, the open-mouthed kisses, the small hands reaching up for hugs, and saying the word “momma” in a small voice to the tears and screams of hunger or accidental head bumps or frustration because he can’t stand on his own, motherhood is a day-to-day challenge, but so rewarding. Being a first-time mom has shown me how strong I am as a woman and has made me stop and enjoy the small moments.

The day we brought our son home was scary. Having to care for this little one who could not tell us why he was upset was hard, and we sometimes had to guess. Throughout the day, I found myself just taking it all in - from watching him breathe to his little baby stretches. The days became easier as I watched him grow and learn, which helped me learn his needs, wants and routine. I figured out what worked for him and what gave me sleep - yes, sleep! The kitchen may have been a mess and a half, but when he slept, I slept.

As with many other moms, postpartum hit me hard. I felt as if I were not enough, and worried about something happening to him or my husband. So, my husband stepped up even more to help me through the difficult times. We worked as a team to care for our son. My husband saw my frustration or my "nervous breakdowns," and he stepped in to calm me and give me a moment to myself. He had to learn to navigate my “new emotions,” as well as life with a new baby. This made me even more emotional because I thought I was adding more stress on him. Instead, it strengthened our marriage and gave us the opportunity to learn to know each other all over again.

My prayer life became stronger and more frequent. I could not settle my fears and anxiety, so I sought my strongest constant. I prayed over my baby, my home, myself, and my husband. I even prayed over my dogs because they were stressing me out with all their care and concern for their crying new baby brother. I had to pray to stay grounded or I would burst into tears and just sit in the middle of the kitchen while my baby cried, too. It was a mess at times, but these were much-needed moments.

Within my prayers, I found my Tribe. God blessed me with people who helped me navigate the fears, the anxiety, and take care of myself so I could take care of my son. God brought me people who loved on me with bringing food or bringing me things for the baby or just to sit and talk with me for a while. God knew I needed help. Growing up, I was one to NEVER ask for help. I thought I could do everything. God showed me it’s okay to ask for help. The world is busy, we can’t do it all or we won't survive, so God brought me my people. And some of those people have kids who my son gets to grow up with and create his own Tribe.

We are reaching our son's 1st birthday. To see our son crawling, babbling with a few words, or watch his personality shine, I’m reminded we are doing something right. The fears and anxieties are still there from time to time, yet I'm full of joy that we have been chosen to raise this precious miracle. The smiles and giggles I get when he sees me come through the door to pick him up after I get off work fills my heart with a love and joy I have never experienced. I realize all the tears and emotions were worth it to be where we are today and seeing him thrive at such a young age.

I pray often for his future. I pray God stays at the center, for the man he will become, for the life God guides him to live, to the friends he will have and everything in between. The world is not the same as it was when I was little, so I pray God makes Himself present and guides him to a life worthy of Christ. Sometimes, thinking of the future hurts this momma's heart, but then I’m reminded it’s my job to raise him. I get the privilege and honor. Wow! It’s something I never thought would happen for me and yet here I am. God is sooooo good and faithful.

I’m so proud of us and myself. From the sleepless nights to the screaming teething moments, to the laughs of watching him play and enjoy life, we are all growing and learning while enjoying the life we are blessed with and creating one memory at a time.