Forgiveness cannot be replaced by substitutes. Read Isaiah 55:6-9. A person hurts you with actions and words. You feel the hurt deeply, process the encounter, and are now faced with what to do with the hurt. Forgiveness is the path to healing, but there are many substitutes that we often use to replace forgiveness. None of these substitutes brings true healing, but they have become standard for us today. One substitute is to make excuses. How about we use your partner cheating on you as the hurtful act? "He cheated on me because she came onto him, and since his mom just died, he cheated in a moment of weakness." NOPE! He cheated. Another substitute is to blame yourself. "If I had been a better partner, she wouldn’t have gone looking elsewhere." NOPE! She cheated. Another substitute is to just move on and forget that it happened. "I know you cheated on me, but let’s just act like it never happened." NOPE! Cheating needs to be confronted and dealt with. Another substitute is accepting people for who they are. "I know you cheated on me, but I accept you for who you are." NOPE! We must distinguish between accepting a person for who they are and naming the action that is hurtful. Every time we say, “Boys will be boys,” after a boy violates a girl, we have failed to separate the person from the behavior. By accepting the boy for just behaving like a boy, we also accept the behavior. The hurtful behavior must be addressed, and we cannot allow the behavior to be excused by accepting certain groups of people to act in hurtful ways. We can accept people for who they are while still naming the behavior as hurtful. The prophet Isaiah called us to forsake our wicked ways and seek God while God can still be found. The path to restoration defines the hurt, addresses the hurt, and forgives the hurt. Substitutes dismiss the hurt, make excuses for the hurt, and then never truly deal with the hurt. 

Holy God, forgive us when we use substitutes to cope with hurtful actions and words. Help us to find that path to healing through true forgiveness and restoration of relationships. Amen.