That’s what I inventory. I ask God to search my innermost thoughts and feelings and show me where I’m offensive or hurtful. Am I selfish, self-seeking, self-pitying? Is my self-will in control? How can I ask God to remove something I don’t even know I have? He shines His light on the darkness within me and I can see the exact nature of my wrongs. I see I am a complainer, lacking in humility, desirous of control, arrogant, dishonest, acting in self-righteous anger, fearful, argumentative, a worrier, lacking tolerance, judgmental, impatient, holding high expectations of others … you get the picture.

I’m surprised to find how often and how easily these defects of sin surface in a single day. I see now that if I have fears, frustrating situations, worries or hurts, it’s likely I am the problem. I create my own chaos. Why can’t I be better? Because I can’t. Only God can relieve me from this bondage of self. Only God is able to transform me from my self-will to God-will if I am willing to let Him. I learn to take responsibility for my part of the problem without looking at the other person. God helps me to look at all of my shortcomings with honesty and no fear.

But it’s all about the action. I know it’s a daily surrender to God in my life. I ask Him to make me aware of my faults throughout the day and ask for help to pause so I can say “Not my will but thine be done.” I ask God to show me a better course of action. I practice not worrying about what I can’t control, giving everything over to God. I ask for His guidance in all things.

I know it’ll take a lifetime but God says progress, not perfection. He’s pleased with my willingness to do the work. I experience more serenity, hope, and a love for others that I’ve not had. I see how my forgiveness and mercy to others is a gift, not an act of martyrdom, because of the effect of God’s love and mercy on me. I can live in gratitude and freedom, no matter what, as long as I take my position by His side one day at a time.

I know I’m not alone. We have a shared problem – sin. But the good news is we have a shared solution – God. It’s the victory over all this that testifies to me the miraculous transforming power of God in my life. Not my victory, but God’s victory!